Grief Struck Libra

An emotionally detached libra?... groundbreaking

The real question to ask here is am I emotionally detached because I’m a Libra or is it because the events in my life caused me to be this way? I don’t think I’ll ever have the answer to that question. Or fully understand why I go through emotions the way I do.

All I do know is, I’ve become severely emotionally detached. I no longer feel emotions the way I used to. This is not in a way where I am devoid of sentiment or empathy. I still feel those things however my lack of trust in people has caused me to view relationships, friendships and interactions in a different way. I find it harder to cry the way I used to. I find it harder to care. I feel indifferent about most things. Not in the affairs of the world, but rather my personal life.

And through this indifference, I believe I am now viewed in a way that I would simply put as - cold bitch. I simply hate talking about how I feel. I don’t like discussing it nor do I care for the sympathy of others. My problems are my own. Along with my anger, hatred, heartbreak and etc. But people like me, which I’m sure there are many of us, simply because we prefer not to talk, there’s a conception that it means we don’t care for certain things.

Which is wrong. And really does miss the mark. Because I have learnt that even in times I have voiced my thoughts and feelings, they have been received… in unimaginably disappointing ways. So I go back to what I do best, and it’s to keep quiet. Now you may think ‘but you’re writing this blog, isn’t that ironic?’ And I would agree that it is. But as you know, writing is my kryptonite and it’s the only way I can burn out the rage I feel at times. It’s the only way to quiet the thoughts in my head. As long as I pour it out onto a page, I won’t let my brain get very far in overthinking.

You may be wondering what’s causing the grief. And that is neither here nor there. It’s simply not important. But I figured in my obsession to create balance, I sacrificed my own personal inner balance. And now, years later I’m grieving something that really has no business plaguing my life. Had I accepted this at the start rather than now, I would’ve had a different life. Potentially a better one. A happier one. But I didn’t think I needed to grieve. To scream or cry.

I was wrong. Being emotionally detached doesn’t mean I didn’t have a right to grieve. I did and I didn’t allow myself that time to feel it. I ignored it and went about life with such indifference it was as if nothing had really changed. So I am here to tell you, as your favourite emotionally detached Libra. Put yourself on the priority list, and grieve. Because the only way your heart will mend is if you let it break completely. It is easier to make a brand new heart from its pieces than to attempt to mend one with band aids that won’t hold for long.

The other option to all of this is that I am waffling and have no clue what I’m saying. Which is also plausible.