The Post Break Up Glow Up

As you should.

Now the only reason I’m even writing this piece is not because I’ve recently broken up with someone, it’s merely because enough time has passed that I understand the concept behind post break up glow up.

And to that I say, GOOD FOR YOU.

Why do we feel the need to completely reinvent ourselves to be the exact opposite of what we were within our past relationships? I reckon most of us would put it down to feeling better with ourselves, or even maybe exacting some kind of revenge to make them feel bad. To essentially kill that old self.

I have another theory. One that can be linked to all answers. I believe, the reason we dye our hair, do our make up a little differently, dress a bit better, enhance a harsher attitude, is simply because we want to keep nothing of ourselves that will remain relatable to them. Something deep down is so rooted in resentment that our only answer is to be born again in a different skin.

Don’t misunderstand me by thinking I mean resentment of them. No, by all means they matter very little. It’s the resentment we feel within ourselves. Resentment of allowing ourselves to become someone we no longer recognised in the mirror. I have witnessed it happen to people I love, and have experienced it happening to me. The greatest lesson I can give you is to allow yourself to change. I revel in who I am more now than who I was 3 years ago.

Physical changes are important in making us feel like ourselves once again. But it well and truly goes so much beyond that. It’s picking up the hobbies and interests we once loved and dropped out of laziness and complacency. It’s approaching friendships and relationships in a different angle. One that serves you rather than one that hinders you. It’s putting you first, but also understanding compromise.

It’s learning that you are allowed to feel all the rage, resentment and hate if you simply wish to. I really used to be someone that believed in letting go and forgiving. Never really holding onto any hate in my heart. And while I still believe that, I found myself working way too hard to be optimistic about these situations. I was burning out from never having the opportunity to scream and let out my frustration at the world for being in this position.

Now I think a little differently. Everyone operates in a different way, and that is something that we all must accept. But it is okay to share our thoughts and opinions on such a global experience. You want to spend some time being resentful? That’s okay. You want to hate yourself a little bit, feel a little disappointment? That’s okay. You want to scream and shout? THAT’S OKAY. They don’t need to know this is how you feel, frankly they don’t deserve your time. But it’s okay to offload these feelings to those close to you. To people who truly love you.

And once all of that is said and done, you are well within your right to become unrecognisable. To become someone they have no connection to whatsoever. Real life experiences change us and mould us. It’s okay to let it. So, go dye your hair or sign up to pottery classes. Do what you need to do.

I’ve spent a long time trying to bring back remnants of the person I was before my past relationship. It took a while, but I think I’m finally getting there. I’m merging everything I loved about that person with this new person I’ve become. I’m starting to look in the mirror and recognise the person I see, after spending what can amass to over half a decade of not recognising myself.

I’m here to simply tell you, one day you’ll look in the mirror, and that glint in your eyes will shine again.